July 29

FINALLY!! Josh's Level 1 PGM books arrived yesterday.  Let's count...4 inch binders=2, 3 inch binders=3, 2 inch binders=4, dvd's, 2 inch hardcover books=2.  I would say he has a lot of reading, studying as well as a 4 inch binder of "Work Experience" to fill...he is most comfortable with that one :-)  Now life becomes a bit more difficult for the next 3-5 years, but it will be so well worth it in the end!  Hopefully I will be able to arrange my schedule with his so that he has at least 2 days a month that he can devote the entire day to his studies.

My last couple of days at work have been good :)  I actually left Monday night with a feeling of accomplishment and peace, not reliving the day in my head to find errors or things I may have forgotten!  I felt much more comfortable with Rapid Responses, even feeling a lot better with STEMI's/AMI.  I know I will be good.  To quote my step-mom Pat (a former long time cardiac nurse herself) "Jenny, you just need to have the same confidence in yourself that everyone has in you".  She is right, and I will give myself that, just not right off the bat. It keeps me safe and humble :)  

I made plans to go through our closet and get rid of old, unused clothes when I received an email from church about a family in need...a sign!!  This family which includes 2 teenagers and a toddler.  They lost everything....I mean everything!!  They left with the clothes on their backs and that is it.  So I will go through my kitchen and bathrooms and see if there are any unused items I can donate.  I URGE ALL OF YOU TO DONATE UNUSED/UNWANTED ITEMS TO YOUR LOCAL NON-PROFIT CHARITIES AND SHELTERS!!  Think about it people, in our society and lifestyle of today look around your house and tell me how many "things" you really need??  Everyone has items/clothing that are not a necessity of daily living. Let's quite working to pay for a style of living that is not within our means but keeps us within a social cirlcle.  If someone is only your friend b/c of what you have, then they are not your friend in Christ.  I want people to be my friend in Christ, don't you?  Let's step back and re-evluate why we live and how we live and do as Christ instructs us..."Love you brother as yourself".  

"He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done." Proverb 19:17

July 23rd

I am so proud of Ian! The girls and I went on about our usual Thursday routine of watching "bubba" play ball from 10-11am. Unbeknownst to us, today was going to be playoff day as well so thankfully the weather was much cooler than usual! We stayed for all 4 games to see Ian and the Heritage Coyotes become the Champions!! And to think that all the other HS's believed that Heritage would suck this year since they are a new High School. EAT YOUR WORDS!! They rocked the place, running over Wakeland and Centennial as if their teams never showed up :) Ian had 2 TD's, 2 beautiful interceptions (one for a TD) and many blocked passes....he shined both offensively and defensively. What a player, and to watch him take a leadership role on the team makes a mom proud! He really knows how to be a positive influence with his team and friends, he really is a great young man and we are so proud of him. I wish I had pic's to put up, of he and the entire team. They all work great together and lift each other up, treating each other like family...so great to see.

This was a great way to mend from my emotionally stressful day at work yesterday. I am now 2 days into my CV Clinician role and loving it! Both days have been a bit "quiet" yet I have had some great exposure; 2 Rapid Response's, 1 Hypothermia protocol, and 1 STEMI. All went very smoothly, with order initiation taking minimal time. The STEMI was hard because it was not a good outcome. I realized for the first time that losing a patient in the unit is not the same as loosing one that comes in to the ER and passes in less than 60 mintes despite all of the effort's of the medical team. It broke my heart to bear the news with them, and yes I cried with them...who would want to hold back that empathy? It also gave me a whole new sense of respect for one of my preceptors who is undoubtedly one of the strongest, smartest, professional and empathetic/compassionate people I know. Watching her handle the entire situation has taught me just how important a role and how much responsibility I will be shouldering in the next 4-6 weeks. I pray that I can develop a bit more confidence so I can be somewhere in the realm of her aura. I look forward to my time with the other Clinician so that I can utilize her skill and confidence as I find my place as well. This is such a great role and I am so proud to be given the opportunity to fulfill it, I hope that my bit of "fear" helps me to become more confident and implement the protocols correctly and safely.

Yesterday

I have come to realize that people come and go out of our lives for different reasons and purposes. Sometimes they are not even part of your life, but the life of someone you come to know. Then you find yourselft wanting to be sure to "check in" on these people once in a while. I know....I talk confusion. Anyways, Josh has a "friend" that he has chosen to distance himself from a few years ago. I honor that decision because when he did, it was a time that the relationship was unhealthy for both parties and our marriage was suffering from some social decisions.

Well, over the past few years I would on occasion call Kristy or send an email to see how she and Adam were doing, check in on the kids. They have 3 daughters who are now 3 1/2 (twins) and 2 yrs old. I pray for them, as I do all of my friends and family. Now, I don't have a prayer list that I go off of, I just pray for people as they cross my mind. I find it more personal when I pray that way, rather than utilizing a To-Do list as if it is a chore.

Me, Ian, Abby and Keara met up with the Lamb's yesterday for a play-date. The girls had a wonderful time and played very well together!! It was cute to see all 5 girls playing and sharing :) Ian spent a little time with Adam playing guitars....Adam would play in his sleep if he could learn how and Ian needed some time with a well experienced guitarist. Ian enjoys playing with older people who respect music. He was strumming along with Eric Clapton on a DVD. He's amazing (Ian).

I had some time to talk with Kris and how God is blessing their lives. It seems that she has come to accept some "quirks" about her husband (as I have mine) and let go of the control, making a big difference and releasing a burden. They are in a better place financially, in a bigger home and both enjoying their jobs and better pay. I am happy for them!! Praise God for his blessings when we are obedient!! I hope to meet up regularly, at intervals.

Sometimes we need to space ourselves from people for just the shear fact of growing and maturing. Sometimes it's a one time deal, and when the job is done....we move on. Then there are times where one may realize that reason for the initial seperation wasn't due to one person's behavior, but for you to reflect that your behavior was just the same....and continues to be the same.

I will continue to pray for them, pray for blessings on their family and hopefully have occasional get-togethers with the children. We had a very nice time and I am glad to still be an influence in their lives.

"The Lord reigns forever...Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsken those who seek you." Ps 8:7,10

July 13, 2009

I just finished reading a friend's blog today and came the realization that I have never blogged about myself or my family in a true sense. So here I go....

The year is 1992 and I am in the midst of a tormentuous relationship. He is controlling, demeaning, addicted. UnChristian in every sense of the word. He is the Devil. And yet, I love him or so I convince myself. He is the first "man" to show me love and attention and while I am without any self dignity and without any self esteem I lavish in his negative attention. It is a short relationship for he spends a majority of it in jail for minor offenses. It is during one of his "out" times that it happens....I become pregnant. Great. Now what do I tell my parents?? Fortunately, they are supportive. Praise God!! He knew I was going to need them for the next 5 years. For that is how long I was going to have my Step-dad with me and we needed to mend our relationship (which we did before his death in June 1999...10 yrs, 1 month and 1 day ago). Ian was born Nov 4, 1993 at 2341.

The next 9 years would prove difficult for me. (I had left the Catholic Church in NY when my mom/step dad moved us to Texas. I remember my mom would occasionally take us to St. Matthew's but nothing routine. Prayer was not a part of our lives and I was lost.) During those 9 years I would attend and graduate college, lose not only my step-dad but my grandma and grandpa Templar, my uncle's Richard and Bob. I would go through a few relationships and party a little more than a responsible mom should. What was I looking for? I don't know. Thankfully Ian had my mom as a good role model. Don't misinterpret...I raised him, provided for him but was a lousy role-model. In retrospect I was an irresponsible parent. Remember, Jesus was not my priority at this time. In 2002 I had begun attending the local LDS church. My boyfriend at the time was raised Mormon and my interest in him sparked me to begin my research. That is why I walked into Sunday service one morning. WOW!! How welcoming, warm and non judgmental they were! I needed that kind of support at that time in my life. It helped me through the breakup and began my search for a real relationship. I still keep in touch with many of them, but have come to "disagree" with some of the traditions of the church. So yet again, i am left to ponder my role in this world.

At the urging of some friends at work during the summer of 2003, I posted a profile on Match.com. Why not? I wasn't making any progress as is and I was about to 28!! I had always wanted a large family and time was of the essence! So I go on a couple of "dates" (safely I may add...met up at a neutral public place). Nothing felt comfortable. It is in October that I get a wink from "Phelixdecat"...hmmm? I wink back. I look at his profile. Cute!! I'm lovin' the bit of gray in the hair (I'm a sucker for that dignified look) and glasses...what a smile! If you know me, then you know my obsession with clean teeth. We chat online, talk on the phone and finally meet for a date in December. He picked me up with a bouquet of flowers. I opened the door and realized at that moment. "He's the one". Simple as that. I will marry this man. 6 months later we are engaged. Mind you, I did not probe him on his belief in Christianity. What was I thinking!!?? I wasn't...I was "In Love" (said with that ooey, gooey sound) We had planned to be married in the church that his grandparents and parents were married in but in the end, chose the JP. We decided using the money towards the purchase of a new home was the wisest option. *November 23, 2004 is the magic day* Ian is know calling Josh "dad" :-) This is how Ian will come to feel about him for the rest of his life.

Within 18 months we had moved into a new home, had 2 daughters, made it through 2 job losses and the loss of his grandfather. That was hard for him. That summer, July 2006 I began attending a local Fellowship church since Ian enjoyed the youth group. He had friends from school there. Josh has without a doubt taken on the full role of being Ian's dad. Christ was still not a part of our lives and I was coming to understand that Josh would never return or turn to Jesus. He is an Agnostic. He believes in a higher power but does not believe what he can not see. He is a stubborn capricorn who thrives off of proof in any area of his life. He does not attend church, he is lost. His work life is crumbling, our marriage is beginning to suffer from the society influence in his life. He has dreams, but despite any support, he is unmotivated to reach them. All he has ever wanted to do is Golf. It is his passion and life dream. He has golfed since he was 6 (and a strong bond he helps me keep with my beloved step dad). I love him. I do not like him. He is suffereing with depression. I need someone in my life. I turn to Jesus with full force and submission. My life is not my life, it is His. It is His will that must be done. Use me, however you need to. Teach me. I need to know how to lead my family when my husband can not. Strenghthen me, for I am bearing the yoke of my entire family for which I will turn over to you. Protect me. Satan is alive in my house and I need you to protect us all.

October 2007. I am baptised. For real this time. How amazing that once I put my entire life in His hands that things began to turn around!! I'm not saying that roses, poppies and tulips were scattered in my house, but the stress of "making things work" began to lessen. Relationships began to heal. My head was clearer for I had my sight on the real prize. I began to tithe. Not a full 10% for my husband is my husband and I am bound to honor him regardless of his beliefs. 5%. It keeps the peace and allows me to give with a pure heart. I am now involved with LifePointe Fellowship. I love my "new" life!! Josh in the meantime has helped to start up a new Ebay Company, EasySale.com and is now making a good income. We are comfortable. I drop to Part-time work, 2 days a week. January rolls around....BAM! He is laid off on the 25th. 3rd time.

I don't know if it was the prayers, the Grace of God through me, or his own insight. Josh finally decided to pursue a role in the Golf world. He put out over 50 applications online and in person. No one was hiring...it's a hard line of work to get into especially when you are not a PGA member, but can not become one until you work for 6months in the field and are accepted. July 7, 2008 we are en route to NY when he gets the call...HIRED!! Heritage Ranch in Fairview, close to home. YEA!!! Praise our Lord and Saviour!! (I quietly pray to myself).

This last year has been just as up and down as all of them. Josh was accepted into the PGA, beginning his studies to become whatever he wants to in the PGA (as well as play the amateur tour). We have even had some "deep" conversations about God. I have beared my testimony to him with joy and tears. He is ok with raising the children to believe and know God/Jesus. He doesn't dispute my taking them to Church every Sunday, he is even invited whenever he wants to come. He doesn't. He still doesn't believe. That's ok. "What??" you say! I know, it has taken me too many years, but I finally came to the realization that Josh and I were not brought together so that I could make a believer out of him. That is God's place. Only He can turn Josh's heart and open him up to the life of a Christian. We came together so that MY faith could be strengthened. So that I would come to realize what I had been missing all along. That void? Yea, Josh was my missing piece, but God, He was what I needed to fill the void. Josh knows that if God needs to use me to bring him to Christ, that I will whole-heartedly give my life. For that is how deep my love is for both of them, for it would be my honor to give up my own earthly life so that Josh will have his own eternal life.

"Be still and know that I am God" PS 46:10

Summer Update

We have had so much fun!! I have tried to keep the kids somewhat busy, but that is very hard to do when the temperature is over 100 degrees and your youngest child is somewhat allergic to the sun :( With the Lord's blessing we were able to spend a full 6 hours at Hawaiian Falls with the Johnston's! It was 91 out, overcast and perfect for little Keara. She and Abby spent the whole time climbing all the way to the top and sliding down the longest slides....eventhough Keara was a smidgin' bit under the height requirement. She knows no fear!!

The 4th of July was fun!! Hot, but fun. Josh and I took Ian, Abby and Keara to the Ranger's game and watched the fireworks afterwards. I must say, not the long show that Arlington is know for, but a great time as a family and memories were made.

Yesterday I took them all to Skate Town in Grapevine and we spent 2 hours learning to roller skate, Keara yet again being the daredevil and Abby requiring a little bit of instruction. By the time we left they were both worn out and Ian was Mr. Skill's on the Rink. ;)

I'm having some issues with the main computer, so unfortunately I am unable to post any pictures :( I have been collecting them on the memory card an will upload them as soon as I can. I know many of you would like to see updated pictures of the kids!! I also dug up (with the help of Josh) another flower bed in the backyard...thanks to my mom who gave me her birdbathe so now I have my own "bed and breakfast" for the birdies!! Abby and Keara love it...Ian isn't all too interested. As I expected....he is almost 16!!

I start a new position at work the week of the 19th....CV Clinician. It is a role I have admired since its inception in 2003. I finally came to myself in regards to my knowledge base, experience and confidence and applied. 11 days after the interview I was offered the position!! I will dearly miss my CVICU, and hope to maintain a good relationship with ALL of them and work with them on a regular basis. They are all part of who I am and my experiences.