Tuesday, November 4, 2014

A Portion

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of sharing a kind of brief version of my testimony.  I say brief because in hind sight, I left out a lot of life that plays into my current place with my Savior.  Since I seem to never post blogs anymore, this one is the best place to start.  Click on over to Praxis Womens and read how God is doing amazing things in the lives of broken women from all walks of life!


I was raised knowing God, knowing the rules I needed to follow in order to be in good standing.  The rules that, when adhered to, would allow me through the gates of heaven.  Then my parents divorced, my mom remarried, and we moved from upstate NY to Arlington, Texas; my world had turned upside down in 2 years.  At 8 yrs old I questioned who God was and by 12, church was no longer part of my life.  I had no significant relationship with my mom and my step dad was borderline abusive and strict.  The next 7 years were filled with isolation, shame, alcohol, drugs, and an abusive relationship which culminated in a pregnancy at 18.  As I look back, this is where God started his work in taking over what I was failing at trying to do. I was at rock bottom and now I could only look up. Problem was I didn’t.

My 20’s were spent balancing parenting, college, and still rebelling.  I was searching for a love and acceptance that I just couldn’t find.  I went through a couple of relationships, one that was significant but he left me for another woman; love was pretty hurtful to me.   I lost my step-dad to cancer when I was 24.  We had developed a bond the moment I told him I was pregnant.  He was there for me no matter what.   6 months after his death I graduated with my nursing degree.  The one prayer I prayed went unanswered; to have him live to see me graduate.  Again, God let me down.

I met my future husband.  Something was changing, but I didn’t have a clue to the road I was about to embark on.  He had recently moved back to Dallas from Florida knowing (unbeknownst to me) that he would “find his wife in Texas”.  He says he always knew this.  We were dating 6 months when he proposed, found out we were pregnant and 6 months later we were married.   Within 1 ½ years from our wedding date we added 2 kids, a new house, and suffered 3 job lay-offs.  Life was rough.

Our son, in 6th grade at the time, was invited to a youth night.  He had a fun time and wanted to check out the church.  So I took the kids and thus began a brand new chapter in my life.  God was calling me and there was going to be no turning back now.

You see, my husband and I never placed our faith/belief as even a remote priority in our dating.  I knew he was raised with an Episcopalian background (me Catholic) and that he didn’t attend church; I just never knew he had turned away and was atheist.   My walk in Christianity meant it would be alone.

I’ve spent the last 9 years walking blindly on the narrow path of faith; Limited family support, no spousal support, no system of support for new believers from my church.  I’ve read a ton of books on being a godly wife and on being married to an atheist.  I’ve grown in my knowledge of scripture more than I could ever have imagined.   I pray through my days as I lead my 5 children on a path to salvation and pray that God will turn my husband’s heart towards Him.  What I have not been able to find is a church home.   A place where the people not only welcome you wherever you are in your faith, but a family that meets you where you are and walks the journey with you.  Well, I found it.  Oddly, I found it in the same neighborhood I grew up in even though I’m 50 miles away now.  Despite the distance the truth, grace, and rawness continue to draw me in. 
My name is Jenny.  Come join me at Praxis.