An Attempt to Rekindle...

I've been absent for a while.  Summertime in our house is chaotic to say the least. I admire the mom's out there who can run a household, IG phenomenal pictures, and blog routinely.  I just flat don't have the time.  I made a commitment to being present in my kids lives and that has taken precedence over all this other crud.  Don't let me fool you, I hover on my phone a little too much (I'll cover that conviction in a minute) and I really should delete my FB account. 

The kids just finished their first week of school.  Abigail is enjoying 3rd grade and Keara is not a fan of school at all.  When asked she will tell you, "I don't like writing, reading, math OR science.  Just recess, I like recess."  She has a passion for animals that I use to promote curriculum.  I really wish I could homeschool her.  I have our front room (what should be the formal dining) set up as a play and school room.  Once the kids turn 3 I start preschool, so this is Ashlynn's year and she is by far my challenging one.  She is quick and smart but doesn't want to let on unless it serves her a purpose.  I love her personality.  I originally wanted to homeschool them all but Josh wasn't a fan.  Public school does give them options, but I still feel as though the learning is without passion; too much routine, long days and a focus on state test guided standards. Ok, off my soap box.

 

 

My 3 attempts at finishing this blog are proving useless.  Every time I sit down, no matter the time of day, it's either a screaming baby or a blank mind. 

 

And on that note.....

My Soul Delights

Today was a huge day.  2 of my daughters were baptized.  There is no prouder a moment for a parent than seeing your children accept Jesus Christ and participate in the outward showing of their new walk in faith. Not to mention their papa performed the baptism at church!  Keara asked the most faithful man in our family to welcome them into their "new life", and he was so emotionally touched and proud to do it. Rick was not a Christian all of his life, went through a lot of trials and setbacks on his path to real freedom.  He loves Jesus like no one I know and has a passion to bring others to know and accept Christ; specifically strangers which I find so real about him.

Keara's baptism

                                                                                 

Abigail's baptism



I've kept a special secret to myself for many years.  It's been my birthday wish, my Christmas list (of one) and my prayerful request.  Every Sunday as I'm in service I keep a chair next to me available...on the off chance my husband might need to sit there.  Long shot, I know.  He's a recognized atheist.  He admits it, tells us there is no "God" and that he will be reincarnated one day. Well, the girls asked him to come to their baptism and he said yes.  And he did! I had my entire. family. in. church. Me, our 5 kids and my non believing husband.  Now don't get me wrong, he came because his daughters asked him to.  I won't even say he supports them, but they are his little girls and he didn't let them down.  I'm sure the entire 30 minutes he wished he was anywhere but there, I could tell by his body language and breathing/mumbling.  Heck, he made a b-line out there and I wouldn't of known had I not been waiting by the door for the girls to come out of the bathroom.

 

You see, I may have been praying and hoping for him to come to church with me one day but I never said it had to be as a believer.  My prayer was just to "get him in the door" so to speak.  For him to have a small glimpse of what we worship and what his children are passionate for each week. I sat back and thought to myself, "I wonder how much energy it takes to be that defensive, that angry, that resentful and that bitter to Christianity?  How hard does one have to work to deny what he sees in his children and his wife?"  Then my dear friend made a statement to me that validated everything I was thinking; she said, "The reality is if it didn't mean anything to him he would have just stayed.  Things that truly don't matter to us don't bother us."  Could she have been any more spot on? I rest assured that the Spirit is working in Josh, I have faith in this if for no other reason than he is having to fight what the rest of his family is living.  The Bible is true, God does win in the end. 

 

He may never come back to church, he may never accept Jesus Christ.  I'm okay with that; his salvation is between him and God.  But if I die tomorrow I will leave this earth having had my entire family in church with me. Once. And it was my 7 and 8 year old daughters baptism that made that happen :)

 

Welcome to your new lives girls.  I hope you bask in Love, Joy and unwavering Faith and that your prayers for your daddy come true.

 

"The LORD is good to those whose hope is him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD...For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love."

 

(Lamentations 3:25-26, 31-32)

To The Mac Daddy

It's been 9 1/2 years since we met, 8 1/2 since we joined as one and we've welcomed 4 beautiful, inspiring kids into our lives since then.
Today I just want to thank you. For fathering our 5 children in a way no one else can. for loving them, loving me while I grew them and playing such a huge role in not just their delivery but the first months of their lives. I am honored to watch you grow as a daddy with each one, as each year passes. 
Our kids are blessed to know such love from a father and in turn my love for you continues to grow beyond measure.

Happy Fathers Day Josh, we love you.

Family, Schmamily.

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.  ~George Eliot

The memories I have as a child are mixed.  On the one hand, I have upsetting ones.  Mostly of the times from my dad moving out to moving to Texas and the struggles that followed.  Then on the other hand, I have these awesome ones of family get-together's, summers at my dad's and time spent with my grandparents.  Surprisingly, the good outshine (I don't think they outweigh) the bad.  I love reminiscing about family picnic's at my Aunt Betty and Uncle Ray's farm, spending time with them and helping with the work.  Weeks spent with my grandparents or in Canada at my aunt & uncles with my 2 cousins. Better yet, camping with my parents (or my dad after the divorce), time at the lake (Ontario is awesome) and running all over the neighborhood playing with friends.  Can't forget how my crazy grandma Schultz would load us kids up for field trips (those times were awesome) and after dinner drives with my Templar g-parents for an ice cream :)

Nowadays, it seems no one has time for that.  Our culture and society have placed more emphasis on the me rather than the we.  Throw in the fact that families just don't stay geographically close anymore and you have part of the breakdown of the American family. 

I am trying.  I want to cultivate that kind of family bond in my children.  My desire and hope for them is that they will stay somewhat close in proximity to be a support to each other.  Even if it's a couple hours distance, it's enough to lean on each other in times of need.  I want them to know they can lean on each other, to be best friends. You see, my 5 kids are pretty much on their own.  Cousins? Eh.  Ian has 12 who he sometimes sees, but he's the oldest...not to mention the most put together, intelligent and has a grounded Christian foundation.  The other 4, neither side of their family cares to bond (those with kids close in age, at least) and I try to stay in contact, but it's usually one sided. There are no family get-togethers, no picnics, no real outreach for holiday bonding.  [And speaking of holidays...I will be requesting no gifts from now on {grandparents excluded...you have every right to spoil them}] 

I'm at a phase in my life where I really don't care if Josh took a job in Indiana for I don't really think we'd be missed and wouldn't see anyone any less than we do now.  My children make friends easily and I can work anywhere.  Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me.  If my usual holiday invite becomes obsolete or I disappear from the dreaded facebook.  My focus is my family, the 7 of us that I am forging a legacy for. This is why I always wanted 4-5 kids, because I was torn away from a fairly large family...at least larger than the 2 members I had when we moved here to Texas.  I want my kids to know what that bond of love and togetherness feels like.  So even if they don't have the group of cousins like I did, they will have each other and then their children will have each other, in hopes of rekindling a generational family.  Maybe not, but at least I am willing to make it a priority.   

I am a Missionary

Nursing.  My calling. My ministry.

I've known all my life, without any doubt, that I would be a nurse.  I wrote in my baby book at age 7 that when "I grow up I want to be a nurse".  As an adult, I can now say it is what God called me to.  It wasn't an easy path to becoming an RN, it was a road riddled with potholes and detours.  {breaking for a crying baby}  Not all the detours were bad, though.  My proudest accomplishment is having a baby at the young age of 19 and now watching him forge his own paths as he follows Christ and searches for his calling.  Ian is growing into a fine young man, responsibly living on his own.  Without my trials and struggles, the evil that tried to consume my life, I would not have him.  It was my birthing of him that kick started my pursuit of nursing school. Now I have the honor of affecting, changing and impacting lives each time I am at work.  I get to love, heal and touch people in a way that resembles Christ love for us but in a microscopic way.

 2 Cor 9:12-13 "This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. 

Sunday Bruce spoke on the topic of the Great Commission, John 20:21-23.  There are times that I am utterly amazed, break out in goose-bumps and/or welled up with emotion at how his sermon speaks to me at just. the. right. time. I went back to work when Brenden was 9 weeks old, a bit sooner than I usually do.  Everyone I came in contact with would ask me "why so soon?" or "I'm sure it was hard" to which my reply was, "no, because it's my calling.  It's my ministry."  When you feel so passionately about what you do, it's not a job.  It's not work.  It's as if you are disobeying the LORD in what He has blessed you with by not doing it.  Sunday confirmed that.  You see, it's not just in being a nurse that I am called to, it's at home and in my community.  At home, I am the only spiritual leader.  Most of you know that my husband is an atheist, agnostic at best.  Our beliefs differ, but we have the same hopeful outcome for our lives and children.  So I am the sole example on living a Christian life to all 5 of our kids.  I say that knowing that now Ian (our 19 yr old son) is forging a path for the little ones to follow as well. I have to be very mindful in how I portray myself as a mom and wife to my girls.  I set the Proverbs 31 example.  I must show them how to be modest and godly, not just tell them.  This truly brings me full circle to 1 Peter 3, my daily reminder.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives"

You see, WE are the mission, WE are the movement.  Not what we do, not the church.  Christians. Us. Bruce reminded us, rather enlightened us to the fact that if we call ourselves a Christian that we are a missionary.  You can not separate being a follower of Christ from being called to spread the Gospel just as you can't pick and choose what part of the Bible you want to obey.

Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." And with that he breathed {Gen 2:7} on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit." (John 20:21-22)

As the church, the body of Christ, we are the hands and feet commissioned by Jesus Christ, empowered by the Holy Spirit to go and make disciples of the nations.  Whether the nation is another continent or in your own neighborhood, you have the power to make a difference.  As a Christian you are a missionary.  Now say that out loud. 
Go and be one.

Time Flies

So yesterday my little man, my last baby turned 2 months {insert frown & tear}

Here are his stats:
13 lbs 0.5 oz
23 3/4 inches
poor baby received 5 shots! The combo drug which contains 3 of the above immunizations is on National back order :(

His personality is coming out.  He's pretty laid back, sleeps great. This last week I've gotten a good 7-8 hours each night and one 11 hr stretch! I love how happy he wakes up, the smile he gives me when I pick him up or change him.These days will be short, they will fly by and I'm doing my best to lavish in them, enjoy them, let the small things go. Perfection is not a path to happiness, I need to realize that. My kids are my joy and I'm doing so much better at being here, being in the moment with all of them :)

Raising Modest and Godly Girls

I find myself cringing when summer rolls around.  Not because my kids will be running rampant around the house, but because of the clothing options that are available for 2 older 7 & 8 yr old girls. 
I took Abby shopping last week.  She has grown 3 sizes since last summer, which my pedi tells me is normal for the 8-10 range with girls.  I was shocked at the options of clothes!!  Not only can you NOT find shorts that come below the gluteal line, it's all tank tops and short shirts and bikini bathing suits!  I must say though, we scoured the racks of Khol's and Abby found some very cute outfits that were modest and looked great on her.  I love that the neon colors are back in (takes me back to my childhood).  Sadly, we only found 2 1-piece bathing suits.

I'm reminded of something I heard or read.  I wish I could remember from who so I could give credit...

"Only allow your child to wear the type of clothing at 3 that you will consider acceptable at 13"

I see so many young girls and toddlers wearing "adult style" clothing with mom's acting so proud of how "cute" they look. Seriously ladies, let's teach our daughters that it is not about being cute and stylish but about gaining respect.  It's about recognizing that your body is a temple, owned by God and should be treated as such.  That by enticing young men to look at you with lust means there is sin in your relationship before it even begins.  Who you are intellectually and emotionally are by far more important than how much of your body you show to the world.  A girl/young woman should never have to gain attention by exposing her body in any fashion. 

I want my girls to remember that they are "fearfully made" for a divine purpose by God.  I am trying to raise a proverbs 31 legacy in the 3 of them.  I hope that by my own example, they will see that modesty does not mean frumpy, it means respecting yourself and looking beautiful...inside to out.

1Peter 3:3-5
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Just a Rant

I never really use my blog to complain.  Heck, I try really hard to not complain at all, but lately I've been frustrated.  Disappointed.  Let down.  I like to think I'm a pretty good friend.  I may not show up at your house with unannounced dinners or take you out for lunch and drinks, but I'm honest and trustworthy and will do just about anything you need (5 kids excludes things sometimes).  I'm there by your side, no questions asked, when you call.  Prayer warrior extraordinaire.
Lately, though, I'm feeling as if I'm sending out Morse Code with no reply.  Dead air.  No communication on the radio.  I keep in touch my friends and put forth effort to get together, even willing to travel over 100 miles round trip, but it appears my desire outweighs theirs.  Maybe the friendship I thought we had is really just an acquaintance and I need to accept it and get over it.
Don't get me wrong, I have a few true friends who contact me to see how I'm doing, want to spend time with me, and we do things with our kids (wink, wink...you know who you are) but it is only 3 friends.  3...and you know what?  Now that I type it out, 3 is a very special number in the Bible.  Anytime scripture is written or repeated 3 times, take note; It is very important! It represents the Godhead/Trinity. So you know what...my rant has turned into an enlightenment.  I would rather have 3 friends who I know I can call on and count on in a pinch, who show concern for me, my life, and my family than 10 friends who just really don't care.


Isaiah 6:3 (kjv) "And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of hosts; The whole earth if full of His glory"

1 John 5:7,8 "for there are three that bear record in Heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost; and these three are one"

Sabbath

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  I'm sitting on my front porch watching my 3 girls ride bikes, my baby boy dozing in his bouncer at my feet and dinner in the crock pot (smells delish, by the way).  This is how life should be, enjoying your family on the day the Lord commanded us to rest.

Yesterday, I spent 5 hours cleaning my house and doing laundry.  Sounds like a lot of time, but for 3 of that I had 3 kids running amok and the baby wanted to nurse quite a bit.  Oh, and I did get in a 30 min work out :)  Needless to say, it's not looking the same today but you know what?  Who cares? My bathrooms are clean, beds are made and dishes loaded in the dishwasher.  I have a tendency to be OCD, but on my terms.  That means that the house should be de-cluttered and can be done at the expense of having horrible looking cupboards and drawers which is where the clutter gets stashed.  Out of sight, out of mind. I have a "new" friend who lives down the street from me.  She is wonderful and has a beautiful perspective on life and scripture.  She and her hubs have twin boys 6 months older than Ashlynn and she is in love with "Jack and Finn".  I've been following her new blog Soul Refinery and she has totally sent me in a tail spin with her perspective, from motherhood to being a wife to just life in general. It's helped me to see that I don't need to be perfect.  Life is what happens when I'm trying to keep the house clean and that isn't the legacy I want to leave.  So now, after another convicting blog post by my friend Libby, I will ditch the Pinterest, keep the house sanitized and relish in life.  We have 5 kids now.  1 has his own place, the other 4 are under 8.  In roughly 20 years Josh and I could potentially be alone and today will be a bittersweet memory that we will wish we had back. 

God only wants from us what we have.  He isn't waiting on me to be perfect, or have more time, or for my kids to be older.  Each moment of my day is to be lived with a focus on how God is using me, or wants to use me.  Is He speaking to me and I'm not listening?  Is He telling me to do something, to go a certain direction or take a leap outside my comfort zone?  I need to listen more closely and act more directly.  I need to move when He speaks because in Exodus 3:12 He tells Moses when Moses doubts being able to rescue the Israelites out of Egypt "...I will be with you." If He sends us, He will never forsake us.

I took Brenden to church today :)  There is nothing more inspiring than getting yourself and 4 kids Sunday ready and out the door on time to church!!  I loved having my little 17 day old son snuggeled up in his moby wrap against my chest celebrating our Lord and singing HIS praises.   This is an important time, the beginning of a journey that he will take and I pray it is paved with strong, Christian men.  He did great!!  Not a peep from him the entire time.  Extra special was taking the Lords Supper together.  We prayed together for all the needs we prayed together while he was still in my tummy.

On our way home, I asked the girls what they discussed in childrens service to which Keara asked me if she can be baptized!  I am so excited for her!  We had a discussion (to ensure she understands what baptism and being "born again" truly means) and she then wanted to know if her papa could baptize her.  I love that.  My mom's husband, Rick, is the most spiritual man in our family and it will be his greatest honor to do this for her.  There is nothing he loves more than having a part in someone coming to Christ; be it family, friend or stranger.  I do wonder how Josh will react, being atheist.  I can only continue to pray that he will be accepting. 

I Am Strong

I realized I have never written out a birth story.  6 pregnancies, 5 births.  I have a lot of stories to tell but for now, I’ll contain it to my most recent 13 days ago.

 

It was Tuesday March 19 and my 40 39 week 6 day appointment with my midwife.  Aliza.  She is awesome.  I came to her with my 4^th pregnancy so it was only natural I’d continue with each subsequent one.  I’m not one for routine “checks” on dilation so the only time she had checked me was at 38 weeks since I was working all weekend (12 hr shifts an hour away from home) and I was 1-2 cm at that point.  My hope with this visit  was I would be (fingers crossed) 3 cm.  Well, turns out I was 4-5!!  Yea!  She asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes?  Sure. Ok. Why not?  I’d never had it done before so I really had no clue what to expect.  Well, it wasn’t terribly painful but it was a bit uncomfortable.  So, intimate visit over…off we go at 10:30 with a 41 wk appointment scheduled.

 

12:00    Josh decides we should go have lunch.  OTB sounds delish!  Love me some Mexican food…maybe stimulate some labor while we’re at it.  So while we are enjoying our *maybe* last lunch with Ashlynn, I’m having some uncomfortable cramping (which she prepared me for, along with spotting).  Ok, I’ll breathe through these and hope they are doing some good.  Lunch enjoyed, finished and off we went.

2:00 pm               I lay down and take a nap.  Josh picks up the girls from school.  The cramping stops.  Great, well…I guess the stripping didn’t work.  Figures.

3:30 pm                I get up, spend the afternoon with the kids outside.  Abby’s chain comes off her bike twice so I’m helping her put it on.  I bust out the wrenches and attempt to put more tension on the chain by pulling the back tire  taught. We’re enjoying the weather, kids are having fun and eating popsicles.

 

Guess we end up having a late dinner.  Heck, I can’t even remember what I cooked!  I think it was chicken?  I do remember I didn’t eat a lot. Then things change.

I notice I’m having regular “contractions” about every 15 minutes.  Not crampy ones, just a tightening that is routine.  I’m keeping an eye on the timing but not telling Josh.  He’ll just get over excited. We get the kids to bed, Abby and Keara are down by 8 and zonked.  Josh ran to get a treat and comes in the house with an ice cream sundae for me J  What an awesome hubby I have!  Well, things change again.  Now the contractions are getting crampy.  Still 15 minutes apart but a bit more intense.  I’m eating my ice cream and breathing through the contractions.  Josh hasn’t noticed and I haven’t said anything yet.  Still watching the time…12 minutes.

 

9:00 pm                “I’m going to get a shower”…clue #1 to him that he doesn’t get.  I start to get a few things together in the bathroom.  I text my midwife and let her know to get ready…I’m showering.  She just delivered one a few hours ago, I remind her it’s spring equinox. After 15 minutes in the shower breathing through contractions that feel better in the hot water (but I can tell they are more intense) I decide to holler out, “Josh”…”Josh”…”JOSH”…he comes.  “Call Ian and ask him to come stay the night here tonight.  We’re going in soon.  Baby is coming”  Well, this is when my overly excited hubby begins calling everyone and telling them.  Then he is rushing me as though I’m going to deliver in the car.  I think I know my body well enough to know I have time.  Aliza asks me if she should head in or do we have time, I reply “I think we have time but Josh is freaking out”. 

9:45  pm              My sweet friend/neighbor Aimee comes over to sit until Ian arrives.  I think she may be half wondering if I’m really in labor.  Minus the controlled breathing every 5 minutes (did I mention I’ve been 5 minutes apart for an hour now??) I’m pretty much myself, laughing and joking. 

10:00 pm             Josh is rushing me.

10:15 pm             We finally leave for the hospital.

10:35 pm             We finally arrive on the L&D unit.  The Tech is told to put us in triage to “make sure I’m in labor”…she knows better, I know better…but, whatever.

10:45 pm             Aliza arrives (thank God!) and walks us to the natural room.  I’m still feeling good, figure I’m about 6-7.  No urge to push, not feeling like I’m transitioning yet.  Well…turns out I’m 9 freaking cm!!!! Holy cow!

11:00 pm             I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say that the RN I started out with is not who I finished with.  When dealing with a couple who are birthing their 5^th child, 3^rd unmedicated delivery, it’s best to let them lead. Mom knows her body, dad knows mom and the most awesome midwife is there to support them both. Later, Janet.

 

I decide to let them get whatever it is they so desperately need into the computer before breaking my water because then I  know it’s game on.  My contractions intensify and my tailbone and hips are KILLING me.  I’m a quite, eyes closed kind of laborer.  I find my place, breathe from deep down somewhere, keep God as my focus and keep each muscle fiber relaxed through the contraction.  Josh is putting intense (and fantastic) pressure on my tailbone with each one.  It’s my saving grace and allows me to focus even more.  I rock my hips bent over my bed which is raised up so that I can just bend at my hips. Time to break the water, she does.  It’s nice and clear.  I get back up to contract and let the rest of the amnio out.   I get in the tub.  The water feels great but my hips/tailbone are the worst pain.  Remember, this boy is sunny side up.  So if this ain’t back labor, I don’t know what is.  As wonderful as the water feels, it is not helping my pain.  I squat in the tub…this baby is beginning his descent. I’m still nesting around.  I find with all my births, being in bed is my place.  It’s where I am the most comfortable.  As much as I’m all for water births, I’m just not comfortable there.  I get out and lean on the bed again.  Then I’m on the bed, on all fours…we are intense.  I can almost NOT focus through the contractions because of the back pain, but I know if I lose control…it’s that much harder to get it back and the pain is 1000 times worse.  So I focus.  Aliza is wonderful…she knows when I’m about to lose it and draws me back.  Reminds me of my own strength. Then, the time comes.  Time to flip over…time to prepare to push. All this time I breathe through the contractions while allowing my body to remain relaxed and open.  Let my body do what it knows to do.  Let my baby descend naturally.  Once the body says push, it’s an intense overwhelming urge.  It’s like an out of body experience where I have no control but I can totally sense the power of God working.  The hip pain is almost unbearable and I just want it over.  Through all of this I can hear the quiet voice of my midwife as she is delivering the head and then guiding Josh in delivering the rest of his son.  I can’t begin to put into words the emotion of having your husband’s hands guide into this earthly world, the child you formed together. To know that you endured 9 months of growing this blessing and the agony of labor to have the one person who knows you most intimately, loves this child as much as you do, be the one to welcome him for his first breath.  Not a stranger who will never see him again.

 

3/20/2012 12:06 am       Josh’s hands bring our sweet, long awaited 2nd son Brenden Mackie into this world.  He is loud, he is strong, he is super pink!  He cries for 20 minutes, he nurses, we bond and cuddle.  We delay the cord cut, the vitals, the assessment.  He’s perfect. Then he poo’s on mommy.  Thanks son.

 

the moments you never get back

 

My 4 younger (Keara, Ashlynn, Abigail and Brenden)

 

"The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore"

Psalm 121:7-8

 

Faith in uncertainty

Well, at 39 wks I'm officially a full time SAHM until my maternity leave is over which is at about 10 weeks post partum. Not sure how I feel about it? I love being a mother, it's the greatest blessing from God but I also have a deep passion for my calling as a nurse. It is where I get to be the hands of Jesus, the arms of the church, the feet of God. It's where I can spread the gospel, most importantly through action, touch and compassion.

I am excited for the arrival of this baby boy.  It had been difficult to cherish each day of this pregnancy knowing, and being at peace with the fact, that it is my last. I am confident in God's plan for me moving forward and I accept whatever His plan is.  I shall pray for guidance, pray for insight and have faith that I will know the path to take. I love that He has chosen me to raise 5 beautiful children to know and love the Lord, to be honored as their earthly parents.

I pray for completeness in my family, a unity built on the love of Jesus Christ.  I pray for Josh, that he is uplifted and guided, surrounded by mentors strong in faith. I pray that he leads our family with a passion I know he us capable of and that where our next move is will be in keeping with His plan.

"The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more" psalm 121:7-8

Same Song, umpteenth verse...

Oh, how I fail you my blog page!  I treat you as though you are second fiddle and deserve no attention.

A lot of things have been going on.  Not sure where to start, so I’ll just ramble and hope you can keep up with my thought process ;)

 

First, we are officially 3 weeks and 4 days away from our due date!!!  We are so ready.  I’d say “me especially” but Josh has informed me he’s ready to just “reach in there and grab him out” so I guess he is a bit more impatient than I.  This has been a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy, as all of them have been.  I will say that this is the only one that I have been so out of breath, easily worn out and swollen with.  This baby has taken a physical toll like no other!  I am, though, looking forward to the start of labor.  Crazy (and I mean CRAzy) as it sounds, I enjoy the labor/delivery process.  It is such an amazing and awe inspiring time for me.  To be so close to God, to work directly with Him in bringing a brand new life into the world, to be honored as his earthly parents.  There is nothing more spectacular than looking into the eyes of a new child (adopted or birthed) and realizing, at that very instantaneous moment,  that life is entrusted to you; that your role is to raise him/her in the light of Christ with a firm understanding of His work because quite honestly, the plans were made long before the conception.  It will be so bitter sweet as we are firm that this will be our last.  At least I’m 99.9% sure we are?  I’m sure Josh and I will look at each other for confirmation right before that big step is taken.  {I’m kind of tearing up the thought right now} Something that has been reinforced to me with this pregnancy is that God WILL provide.  He provides for those who seek and trust him, who live according to His will.  This may be our 5^th child, but it has been 19 yrs since a baby boy has blessed us.  Sure, we have all the big ticket items that we need (crib, car seat, pack n play, swing) and some girly items (bouncer, high chair, small umbrella stroller, bedding, blankets) but we have NONE of the small stuff.  I must say I have been overwhelmed at a few of my friends generosity.  Holly not only gave me a ton of clothes and receiving blankets, but she was able to switch bouncers with me (she is due with a little girl 1 day after me and has 2 boys).  Celeste is loaning me her carrier and has clothes, too.  Then I have Theda who has blessed me with tons of infant clothing that may have been worn once or twice by her 6mo old grandson and Zarina who loaned me (out of the blue) a beautiful basinet. My in-laws are generously getting us a new stroller and want to get a boy bedding set when the crib transition comes. You see, no one including family, offered or even asked about a baby shower.  No one has even inquired as to if there was one.  I will say, it’s disappointing in the extent that a get together to celebrate would have been warmly welcomed but at the same time, God provided.  Abundantly!! 

Josh is finally being given a title at work that he earned a long time ago.  Now it’s a matter of paperwork that is on forever delay.  He will, at some point, officially carry the title First Assistant Golf Professional.  This gives him the ability to work anywhere in the US.  I doubt we will move far since he has grown a network of clients that more than fills his schedule with lessons, but should God point us elsewhere we are open to going. I have made it clear that California and Florida are out of the question…cost of living is way too high.  He’s a Texan, born and raised, so I’m sure we’ll stay here in the good ‘ol Republic. I’m so proud of him!!  He has a phenomenal work ethic and a passion for what he does.  Not to mention the way he loves his kids.  Surprisingly, he shows a bit more compassion to Ian than I do?  I love that, to see him love Ian.  How awesome is that!  The girls adore their daddy J  Josh took Abby to dinner for her birthday and she had such a great time!  She loved getting dressed up and feeling special as they ate at Macaroni Grill.  He has blossomed into more than I thought was possible when it comes to the girls, and for that I am grateful.  

Ian is doing well on his own.  He is learning some lessons financially that we tried to teach him about before, but his stubborn nature wanted to do it alone. He is getting back on his feet and realized he doesn’t want to be in that situation again, so I guess it’s a lesson learned??  He and Meagan are still dating, almost a year now.  They are both deep into their faith and attending church on Sunday and Wednesday every week.  I’m very proud of them for that, even if I’m a bit skeptical of the teachings.  I have laid the best foundation I could with Ian, living a humble life as an example and now it’s completely out of my hands.  It never really was in my hands, it was always Gods. I pray they learn the entire Gospel and the truth of the Word, not just bits taken out of context to elevate oneself or another.

 

“God chooses in grace.  God’s grace to this family and to people today does not depend on their personal goodness, but on God’s.  We also find here that forceful, independent thinking and acting do not move God’s purposes forward.  Rather, out of trust in His grace and guidance come belief and obedience to Him.” [lesson 21, The Story of Isaac, BSF 2013]

 

In Him,Forever Blessed~

Jenny