Each Sunday we are in Church. I would drop my 2 youngest off in their
classes while the 2 older run ahead on their own. I would stop by the bistro and order a
vanilla latte (part of the church’s ministry and staffed by the older
teens). I then enter the sanctuary,
check in with the lead usher as I’m part of a First Responder team for medical
emergencies. Then I take my place- in
“my” seat; the section second from the right, upper level, 5th or 6th
row, left hand side. Same place each
week. Same empty seat saved next to
me. Yet no one knows me. No one welcomes me beyond the “Good morning,
glad you’re here”. No one speaks to me,
only at me. Lots of people smile and
wave, but they don’t know me or my story.
I’m part of a growing group of primarily
women, but men too, who live an inconspicuous life like me. We are a somewhat secret group within the
church; a lot of us have no ministry, no small groups, and no support
system. We are clumped in with those who
are divorced, widowed, or single. Yet we
are not; we are married, happily or with struggle. Some of us are starting families, raising
families, empty nesters, or retired. We
have a passion for Christ that may be slightly different than others because
Jesus is our bridegroom. He is truly who we are married to. We are the unequally yoked, the spiritually
mismatched. We are married to agnostics,
to believers of a different faith, or to hardened atheists.
I’ve had Christian friends who tell
me that I probably have an easier time being a wife to a non believer than they
do. The logic behind their statement is
this: The bar is set higher for them
since their husbands have “expectations” as to how they fill the Christian wife
role. They are held to more
accountability when it comes to submission.
My response to them is, “Really?
Are you sure your married life is harder than mine? “. I have yet to find scripture that differentiates
between a wife of a believer and a non believer in regards to the level of
behavior and submission. The only
difference is that if my husband chooses to walk away, I am to let him go (1
Corinthians 7:15) to which Paul follows that up with, “How do you know, wife,
whether you will save your husband?” We
wives are bound by the same scripture in verse 10: “A wife must not separate
from her husband.” I am bound to submit
reverently to my husband regardless of his beliefs because I have accepted
Christ as my savior and therefore I am to walk in His light, abiding by His Word. I cling to the verse that is common amongst
all of us who are unequally yoked:
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any
of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the
behavior of their wives. “ (1 Peter 3:1)
I’ve struggled with my role in our
marriage. I’ve arm wrestled with God
regarding whether it’s my purpose to “bring” him to Christ. Early in my walk, I saw it as my calling. I’ve read countless books on marriage by many
different authors. One of my favorites
is When He Doesn’t Believe by
Nancy Kennedy. I laugh and I cry at the
common thread we have. The first 5 years
of our marriage were rough, not just because of circumstance, but because I
failed to see that my behavior was not in line with my belief. We attended counseling but it wasn’t until I
came to an enlightening moment that things began to turn around. In the shower one day (my best place to
think) God smacked me with this thought: “Jenny, it’s not for you to convert
him. It’s between Me and him. His salvation is his alone, and only through
Me.” Talk about a load off my
shoulders! From that point forward I
have made it a daily reminder/mission/call-it-what-you-may to pray him up, walk
in the light, and constantly remind myself that my actions speak louder than my words.
Might I also add that the actions of our 5 children speak volume, as
well. Our oldest, at 21, reminds his dad
that he prays for him. Our 4 youngest
include daddy in dinner prayer, especially when he is at the table “praying”
with us. I am blessed to raise our
children in Christ and that my small army surrounds him with Jesus on a daily
basis, not throwing it in his face but as a gentle, warm glow.
I love this verse from the
aforementioned book:
“A
woman married to an unbeliever can expect opposition as well as blessing, and
from her marriage she can expect to reap what she sows… But if a woman sows a desire to find common
ground with her husband and sows patient acceptance of him just as he is…If she
encourages, admires, and respects him and rejoices that God includes him in his
covenant of grace with her…And if she sows hopeful anticipation of what the
Lord can and will do in both of their lives…Then she can reap a marriage filled
with moments of happiness and Joy.”
It’s not easy, ladies. But we are not promised easy, only that we
will not endure this alone. Find a
church family that supports you; that reaches out to meet you, that encourages
your place in your marriage. I found
Praxis. Each woman has her own struggles
and blessings in a marriage of unequal faith and some have to make the
decisions regarding the safety of herself and her children. Persecution as a Christian is one thing;
violence for our belief is another.
So to answer the question Paul
raised: No, I won’t save my husband. But
I do know that my example and how I live my life can and will have a profound
impact on him and may ultimately tip the scales of salvation towards the saving
of his soul.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love
covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8Always know, no matter your circumstances in marriage, you have a Bridegroom who loves you passionately, and went so far as to die for you.
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