A Royal Mess

I’ve been slowly, and I emphasize slowly, making my way through Beth Moore’s Esther.  What an awakening for women!  All of you who have had the pleasure of partaking in a study by her know all too well what insight both spiritually and scripturally she has into the life of a Christian woman.  I don’t care where you are in your walk, she seems to ‘hit the nail on the head’ with whatever you are in the wallows of at that time.  Praise God for her!  After the week I have had (which let me say has been a week of realization) I decided to look back into Chapter 1.  WOW.  I should have seen that coming!  As I read back through Vashti’s entrance into the story, I came to the realiziation that I really was living in a shadow.  As much as I believed I was doing my part to help uplift her, in actuality I had cast myself into her shadow of malevolent behavior. All the negativity I absorbed in an attempt to reflect it back in a positive, God fearing light was just weighing me down as if I had cement shoes on.  I have been struggling for the last 2 years in my own growth as a Christian and I now understand why I have been so stagnant.  It’s amazing, amazing how I have spent such an immense amount of time in a relationship out of sheer loyalty.  I have learned that it is not the longevity of the relationship, it is the quality.  It is where your mutual understanding and foundation are that impacts the depth of your bond.  Looking back, I ask myself, “What have I gained from this relationship?  In what ways have I matured and grown as a woman and as a Christian? How has this positively impacted me whether at home, work or in how I relate to others?”  Sadly, I can not answer that.  Because there is no answer.  It has not positively impacted me in any of those ways. 

 

So her I am; wounded, hurt and embarrassed.  Yet here I am alive, awake, reenergized and ready to take on whatever the Lord deems me suitable for!  I am ready to grow in my Christianity, embark on new friendships and relationships that will serve me in the same mutual way I serve them.  I owe a gratitude of thanks to the triad of  mature, Christian women who have lead me, supported me and been my sounding board for many years.  You, my ladies, are my real friends.    

 

~You see, even your current location is part of the set-up for your kingdom destiny~

Beth Moore

 

 

In Him, Forever Blessed...