Sabbath

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  I'm sitting on my front porch watching my 3 girls ride bikes, my baby boy dozing in his bouncer at my feet and dinner in the crock pot (smells delish, by the way).  This is how life should be, enjoying your family on the day the Lord commanded us to rest.

Yesterday, I spent 5 hours cleaning my house and doing laundry.  Sounds like a lot of time, but for 3 of that I had 3 kids running amok and the baby wanted to nurse quite a bit.  Oh, and I did get in a 30 min work out :)  Needless to say, it's not looking the same today but you know what?  Who cares? My bathrooms are clean, beds are made and dishes loaded in the dishwasher.  I have a tendency to be OCD, but on my terms.  That means that the house should be de-cluttered and can be done at the expense of having horrible looking cupboards and drawers which is where the clutter gets stashed.  Out of sight, out of mind. I have a "new" friend who lives down the street from me.  She is wonderful and has a beautiful perspective on life and scripture.  She and her hubs have twin boys 6 months older than Ashlynn and she is in love with "Jack and Finn".  I've been following her new blog Soul Refinery and she has totally sent me in a tail spin with her perspective, from motherhood to being a wife to just life in general. It's helped me to see that I don't need to be perfect.  Life is what happens when I'm trying to keep the house clean and that isn't the legacy I want to leave.  So now, after another convicting blog post by my friend Libby, I will ditch the Pinterest, keep the house sanitized and relish in life.  We have 5 kids now.  1 has his own place, the other 4 are under 8.  In roughly 20 years Josh and I could potentially be alone and today will be a bittersweet memory that we will wish we had back. 

God only wants from us what we have.  He isn't waiting on me to be perfect, or have more time, or for my kids to be older.  Each moment of my day is to be lived with a focus on how God is using me, or wants to use me.  Is He speaking to me and I'm not listening?  Is He telling me to do something, to go a certain direction or take a leap outside my comfort zone?  I need to listen more closely and act more directly.  I need to move when He speaks because in Exodus 3:12 He tells Moses when Moses doubts being able to rescue the Israelites out of Egypt "...I will be with you." If He sends us, He will never forsake us.

I took Brenden to church today :)  There is nothing more inspiring than getting yourself and 4 kids Sunday ready and out the door on time to church!!  I loved having my little 17 day old son snuggeled up in his moby wrap against my chest celebrating our Lord and singing HIS praises.   This is an important time, the beginning of a journey that he will take and I pray it is paved with strong, Christian men.  He did great!!  Not a peep from him the entire time.  Extra special was taking the Lords Supper together.  We prayed together for all the needs we prayed together while he was still in my tummy.

On our way home, I asked the girls what they discussed in childrens service to which Keara asked me if she can be baptized!  I am so excited for her!  We had a discussion (to ensure she understands what baptism and being "born again" truly means) and she then wanted to know if her papa could baptize her.  I love that.  My mom's husband, Rick, is the most spiritual man in our family and it will be his greatest honor to do this for her.  There is nothing he loves more than having a part in someone coming to Christ; be it family, friend or stranger.  I do wonder how Josh will react, being atheist.  I can only continue to pray that he will be accepting. 

I Am Strong

I realized I have never written out a birth story.  6 pregnancies, 5 births.  I have a lot of stories to tell but for now, I’ll contain it to my most recent 13 days ago.

 

It was Tuesday March 19 and my 40 39 week 6 day appointment with my midwife.  Aliza.  She is awesome.  I came to her with my 4^th pregnancy so it was only natural I’d continue with each subsequent one.  I’m not one for routine “checks” on dilation so the only time she had checked me was at 38 weeks since I was working all weekend (12 hr shifts an hour away from home) and I was 1-2 cm at that point.  My hope with this visit  was I would be (fingers crossed) 3 cm.  Well, turns out I was 4-5!!  Yea!  She asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes?  Sure. Ok. Why not?  I’d never had it done before so I really had no clue what to expect.  Well, it wasn’t terribly painful but it was a bit uncomfortable.  So, intimate visit over…off we go at 10:30 with a 41 wk appointment scheduled.

 

12:00    Josh decides we should go have lunch.  OTB sounds delish!  Love me some Mexican food…maybe stimulate some labor while we’re at it.  So while we are enjoying our *maybe* last lunch with Ashlynn, I’m having some uncomfortable cramping (which she prepared me for, along with spotting).  Ok, I’ll breathe through these and hope they are doing some good.  Lunch enjoyed, finished and off we went.

2:00 pm               I lay down and take a nap.  Josh picks up the girls from school.  The cramping stops.  Great, well…I guess the stripping didn’t work.  Figures.

3:30 pm                I get up, spend the afternoon with the kids outside.  Abby’s chain comes off her bike twice so I’m helping her put it on.  I bust out the wrenches and attempt to put more tension on the chain by pulling the back tire  taught. We’re enjoying the weather, kids are having fun and eating popsicles.

 

Guess we end up having a late dinner.  Heck, I can’t even remember what I cooked!  I think it was chicken?  I do remember I didn’t eat a lot. Then things change.

I notice I’m having regular “contractions” about every 15 minutes.  Not crampy ones, just a tightening that is routine.  I’m keeping an eye on the timing but not telling Josh.  He’ll just get over excited. We get the kids to bed, Abby and Keara are down by 8 and zonked.  Josh ran to get a treat and comes in the house with an ice cream sundae for me J  What an awesome hubby I have!  Well, things change again.  Now the contractions are getting crampy.  Still 15 minutes apart but a bit more intense.  I’m eating my ice cream and breathing through the contractions.  Josh hasn’t noticed and I haven’t said anything yet.  Still watching the time…12 minutes.

 

9:00 pm                “I’m going to get a shower”…clue #1 to him that he doesn’t get.  I start to get a few things together in the bathroom.  I text my midwife and let her know to get ready…I’m showering.  She just delivered one a few hours ago, I remind her it’s spring equinox. After 15 minutes in the shower breathing through contractions that feel better in the hot water (but I can tell they are more intense) I decide to holler out, “Josh”…”Josh”…”JOSH”…he comes.  “Call Ian and ask him to come stay the night here tonight.  We’re going in soon.  Baby is coming”  Well, this is when my overly excited hubby begins calling everyone and telling them.  Then he is rushing me as though I’m going to deliver in the car.  I think I know my body well enough to know I have time.  Aliza asks me if she should head in or do we have time, I reply “I think we have time but Josh is freaking out”. 

9:45  pm              My sweet friend/neighbor Aimee comes over to sit until Ian arrives.  I think she may be half wondering if I’m really in labor.  Minus the controlled breathing every 5 minutes (did I mention I’ve been 5 minutes apart for an hour now??) I’m pretty much myself, laughing and joking. 

10:00 pm             Josh is rushing me.

10:15 pm             We finally leave for the hospital.

10:35 pm             We finally arrive on the L&D unit.  The Tech is told to put us in triage to “make sure I’m in labor”…she knows better, I know better…but, whatever.

10:45 pm             Aliza arrives (thank God!) and walks us to the natural room.  I’m still feeling good, figure I’m about 6-7.  No urge to push, not feeling like I’m transitioning yet.  Well…turns out I’m 9 freaking cm!!!! Holy cow!

11:00 pm             I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say that the RN I started out with is not who I finished with.  When dealing with a couple who are birthing their 5^th child, 3^rd unmedicated delivery, it’s best to let them lead. Mom knows her body, dad knows mom and the most awesome midwife is there to support them both. Later, Janet.

 

I decide to let them get whatever it is they so desperately need into the computer before breaking my water because then I  know it’s game on.  My contractions intensify and my tailbone and hips are KILLING me.  I’m a quite, eyes closed kind of laborer.  I find my place, breathe from deep down somewhere, keep God as my focus and keep each muscle fiber relaxed through the contraction.  Josh is putting intense (and fantastic) pressure on my tailbone with each one.  It’s my saving grace and allows me to focus even more.  I rock my hips bent over my bed which is raised up so that I can just bend at my hips. Time to break the water, she does.  It’s nice and clear.  I get back up to contract and let the rest of the amnio out.   I get in the tub.  The water feels great but my hips/tailbone are the worst pain.  Remember, this boy is sunny side up.  So if this ain’t back labor, I don’t know what is.  As wonderful as the water feels, it is not helping my pain.  I squat in the tub…this baby is beginning his descent. I’m still nesting around.  I find with all my births, being in bed is my place.  It’s where I am the most comfortable.  As much as I’m all for water births, I’m just not comfortable there.  I get out and lean on the bed again.  Then I’m on the bed, on all fours…we are intense.  I can almost NOT focus through the contractions because of the back pain, but I know if I lose control…it’s that much harder to get it back and the pain is 1000 times worse.  So I focus.  Aliza is wonderful…she knows when I’m about to lose it and draws me back.  Reminds me of my own strength. Then, the time comes.  Time to flip over…time to prepare to push. All this time I breathe through the contractions while allowing my body to remain relaxed and open.  Let my body do what it knows to do.  Let my baby descend naturally.  Once the body says push, it’s an intense overwhelming urge.  It’s like an out of body experience where I have no control but I can totally sense the power of God working.  The hip pain is almost unbearable and I just want it over.  Through all of this I can hear the quiet voice of my midwife as she is delivering the head and then guiding Josh in delivering the rest of his son.  I can’t begin to put into words the emotion of having your husband’s hands guide into this earthly world, the child you formed together. To know that you endured 9 months of growing this blessing and the agony of labor to have the one person who knows you most intimately, loves this child as much as you do, be the one to welcome him for his first breath.  Not a stranger who will never see him again.

 

3/20/2012 12:06 am       Josh’s hands bring our sweet, long awaited 2nd son Brenden Mackie into this world.  He is loud, he is strong, he is super pink!  He cries for 20 minutes, he nurses, we bond and cuddle.  We delay the cord cut, the vitals, the assessment.  He’s perfect. Then he poo’s on mommy.  Thanks son.

 

the moments you never get back

 

My 4 younger (Keara, Ashlynn, Abigail and Brenden)

 

"The LORD will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore"

Psalm 121:7-8